I have a therapist and some friends that have always stress the importance of perception. There are days that I struggle with this more than other days, but these people always point me back to the mindset of changing my perception. Those deposits of an attitude change helped me to see the beauty of the pain that I have gone through. It helped me to begin living my life differently. The pain, hurt, and abuse I have endured may have made my scars, but taught me that I deserve better. I know this way of thinking about depression is different, but for my life, I choose to see it as a blessing because it helped to reveal the real me. Depression is not my identity but instead helped me to find mine.
If I didn’t have depression, I probably would not have pushed the people who were manipulative and abusive out of my life.
I probably would not have sought counseling and would have continued to live behind statements like I am fine; my past didn’t affect me, or just blocking things out.
I wouldn’t have tried to figure out my identity.
I know I wouldn’t have tried to push myself to be a better version of myself. I have in no way mastered this, but I am a lot further than where I started.
I would not have seen that there are genuine people that care without wanting something in return.
I would not have open up about my past or my trauma.
Or even challenge the lies people placed on me. For example, what some people wanted me to do with my life base on their expectations, that I would never amount to anything, I am a failure, I wasn’t smart enough to go to college, that I didn’t matter, etc.…
I definitely would have let my dream of writing go. Now it is one of the coping skills to help me express myself the way that my art couldn’t.
I choose to believe that there will be something good that comes from my scars that turned into beauty marks. It has allowed me to help someone else by encouraging them and reminding them they matter. Also, by letting me be the person I was meant to be without limits.