The title can be a bit miss leading because anyone that doesn’t have NO in their vocabulary can deal with the same or similar issues. No has always been a way to separate your wants and desires from another person. It keeps the things that you want to happen and the things that you don’t want to happen separately. For some people, it can be difficult, especially if you have adapted to life as being a people pleaser. There is nothing wrong about saying yes if you are doing something because you want to and not because of what you assume another person wants from you. The problem with not having the word NO in your vocabulary is when you forget that you are a person. A person with a life full of hobbies and interests that you want to pursue. One of the worst things in life that you can do is wake up years later or reach the end of your life and realize you never lived much of a life. Sometimes that realization can lead people to become angry at themselves or other people for the way that their life has come out to this point. All because a person did not use the word NO.
In my life, no hasn’t been a word that often showed up in my conversations with people when asked to do things that I honestly did not want to do. When someone asked me anything, my first response is always to say yes. (I have in no way mastered this, but I do try to voice the word no more.) I came to the realization that my first response is yes because I want to be considered loyal, always there for people that need me, or be seen as a good person. Which the mindset is not correct. Saying NO to things from my experience doesn’t negate any of those things. Saying NO simply gives you the space to be you. We all have a purpose, dreams, goals, thoughts, etc., but we have to give the things we have a positive interest in space to grow us as people or for some people, an outlet for relaxation.
Having people-pleasing attributes can sometimes feel like the only person benefiting from your life is other people. If this is the case, question why that is? We all have a life and have different interests. It would be a shame to not pursue those interests over not saying NO.
If you are a person who is trying to create boundaries to live a full life, then there are some things you should keep in mind.
- Saying NO to someone is never easy if you are used to saying yes to everything. Just remember that on the other side of the comfortability of saying yes comes the growth from saying NO. From making the decision to say no begins the foundation of taking back some of the power of your life that you previously gave away.
- Learning this skill is difficult, and sometimes you might result back to your previous mindset. All I want you to remember is something that several people have told me, you didn’t develop any habit in a day. Give yourself some grace, and keep pressing forward! If you mess up, figure out why you responded in the way that you did and strategize on how to improve for the next time. Trust me, there will be a next time.
- Make time for the things that you enjoy, and if you do not know what that is exactly, then begin to try some new things.