For as long as I can remember, I have been living for everyone in my life. I was trying to meet an unrealistic standard that is not my responsibility to fulfill. Honestly, it is stressful and distracting. Stressful because you have to consistently adjust to other people. What I found out was it increases my depression symptoms. It is distracting when it is holding you back from growing as a person. So I had to ask myself, is it worth it? To fear life instead of living it. To decrease my self-worth to be accepted. To let other people define my existence. If you are struggling to change, ask yourself some hard questions, and be real with yourself.
I have been struggling with change for a while, but even more lately. There are so many things going on in my life telling me it’s time to change. Scared, afraid, nervous, it’s time. It scares me more to admit that I am afraid then the act of changing behavior(s). I know what this feels like to continue to do the things that I am familiar with because I know what to expect. Another factor that keeps me from changing is worrying about how others will feel about me changing. Often, I alter the real me, so I do not offend others when I express myself, which looks like I don’t have any thoughts and feelings of my own. Doing what is best for me needs to be the priority versus wanting to be liked by others.
These are the principles that I am learning and trying to adopt:
- Were all experiencing life causing us all to develop a different understanding that causes us to change for the better or not.
- People can have their own opinion about you, but don’t let that be the driving force of your life.
- Change because it is something that you want to do and not to be accepted by someone else.
- Love yourself enough to do what is best for your wellbeing.
- I believe that if you don’t change, you will miss or delay the next phase of your life and where you’re supposed to be.
- Life will be different, but you will be a better you by going through the changing process.
- You don’t need anyone’s approval to make the necessary changes to be your healthiest self.
*When I say healthies self, I mean anything thing that you need to do for yourself to grow as a person. Approval of others is something most people seek at some points in their lives but is not necessary.
Where all are going to change for the best or worst through life’s experiences, we have the option to decide the side of change you want to be on. To make conscious decisions to increase love, hope, peace, etc. Or choose to be on the side where life just happens without any proactive decisions from you. You spend the most time with yourself daily than anyone else. What side of change do you want to be on for your life? Whatever side you want to be on, make sure it’s the one you won’t regret later.
*** Side Note ***
I had this post written for a while, and then something happened in my life that made me question myself some more. I am risk-averse to change. I don’t like being unsure if something will work out in my life or not, so I tend to have one foot in a new opportunity and one foot in the life I know. I do this because I like having a safety net. The truth is, it leaves me stuck. Sometimes I think, the real important things in life require removing the safety net and having faith. When you fall, and you will, in the beginning. It’s important not to retreat to safety and remember the goal you have for your life/self.
Recently, how I see myself has come in to question. Loving myself has always been difficult personally. I think a lot of it comes from others’ perception of me. I tear myself down or recondition my self to be acceptable. I think I’m at the point in my life where I want to put aside everything that has made up my identity up to this point and figure out what I want my life to be. I was born into a lot of things, but that doesn’t mean I have to do those things the people before me did.
I got the last piece of the puzzle for my life up until now this past week. When I look at the completed picture, it’s not a pleasing image, but the beauty of puzzles is you can remove, add, or alter certain pieces to get a new image. Seeing the whole picture of your life can be difficult to see, but maybe taking a risk and stepping into a new direction will give you the hope that it’s okay to change in a positive direction. Who knows, it may lead to healing and allow you to grow into the person you’re called to be.